国外也有段子手：绝代双骄，连纪录都要一起破！

大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲杯和美洲杯赛场精彩不断，智利阿根廷再度会师决赛，欧洲杯16强也以尘埃落定。巧合的是，梅西与C罗也在两天内创造了各自的国家队纪录。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【再聚首！智利阿根廷会师美洲杯决赛】

Ayos_skill(美国球迷)：我就知道美洲杯最后会成为南美两强的双簧戏！(I knew the Copa América Centenario would be the game of the big two. )

Cuajinais(巴西球迷)：你这话说的我想哭…(What you said made me wanna cry.)

Pureeviljester(哥伦比亚球迷)：决赛和三四名争夺战都是小组赛首轮对阵的双方再聚首，真是有意思~(So both the final and the 3rd place match are replays of first round group matches. Lol.)

IaSpyderSTE(巴萨球迷)：说真的，梅西这场比赛就是在散步！然而还是进了一个球，给了俩助攻…(In all fairness Messi made a score and two assists even if he was just walking around.)

Zoidbergx(法国球迷)：这算啥，上次梅西去厕所尿尿的时候都顺便上演了帽子戏法，之后在去厨房给他媳妇儿倒热水的路上还献出了5个助攻。(Messi scored a hat trick while strolling to the bathroom to take a piss, then scored 5 assists on the way out on his way to the kitchen to fetch some hot water for his mate.)

cowboysfan88 (美国球迷)：看到美国队在这场比赛里一脚射门都没有，我开始怀疑我们到底是不是世界上最好的球队了…(Guys I'm starting to think we might not be the best team in theworld, USA didn't have a single shot...)

BinLeenk (美国球迷)：不要看射门嘛，你看看那禁区内的解围数量，咱比阿根廷不知多到哪里去了！(Well, don't care about shots and if you count all those frantic clearances from the back third as shots, then we had more than Argentina!)

【创造历史！冰岛晋级欧洲杯淘汰赛】

Chauzu(爱尔兰球迷)：我有种预感，冰岛和威尔士将相遇在决赛！(I predict Iceland vs Wales in the final.)

ZJorda(威尔士球迷)：北爱尔兰创造的欧洲杯获胜国家最小人口纪录仅仅保持了6天，就被冰岛打破了…(Northern Ireland's record as the country with the smallest population to win a match at the Euros lasted... six days.)

(图)比利时球迷标语：“我们到这来只是为了看瑞典的妹子”

Sidgeno66(里尔球迷)：他们赢球真的很高兴吗？下半区可充满了虎狼之师…(Why are they so satisfied with the win as they are to meet with so many GIANTS.)

SoulDrivenOlive(澳大利亚球迷)：这是冰岛第一次参加欧洲杯，他们纯粹为了快乐而踢球。他们不会考虑哪个区会更容易，因为他们来到这里是为了胜利，最后一球打进，举国欢腾，他们已经创造了历史。所以，请不要用一颗功利而狭隘的心，去揣测别人最纯粹的热爱。( It’s the first for Iceland playing in Euro final stage and what they are longing for are just the happiness of football. It’s the victory that they pursued so that they will never make use of the rules to gain advantage by strolling deliberately. The last minute goal arouse the whole country's passion and they’ve already made history, don’t judge the pure love for football with your mercenary heart.)

(图)今年，注定是见证奇迹的一年

Gurkslant(德国球迷)：我目前正在冰岛度假，这座小岛为了观看祖国的比赛，整个国家都快停摆啦！这里的每一个人都为足球而疯狂，而比赛本身则更加的疯狂！(I'm in Iceland watching this match on a worktrip. The island has basically shut down to watch this match. Everyoneis going fucking bonkers! This match is bonkers.)

Dieyoubasta(冰岛球迷)：是的，我工作的银行在比赛前半小时就提前下班了，我在咨询台工作，一直坚持工作到5点，但自从4点开始就没有一个人过来询问业务了！(Yeah, all the banks closed half an hour before the game. I'm at work til five but everybody left when the game started. I work at a help desk and I haven't gotten a single call since four.)

(图)不是很懂他们为什么到达了这个位置

RockinMadRiot (荷兰球迷)：干得漂亮冰岛！你们配得上这场胜利，你们在赛场上所表现出的激情，这是这届欧洲杯上那些强队最缺少的东西。(Well done Iceland. You deserve the win. You have playedwith a passion that most of the big teams have lacked this year.)

Spacemaster(冰岛球迷)：昔日龌龊不足夸，今朝获胜思无涯。(We don’t have glorious achievements in the past but now we win the game in Euro Cup! LOL…)

EvilMonkey1965(英格兰球迷)：其实输给冰岛也挺好的，我特么真不想再输给葡萄牙了…(Better to lose to Iceland than the f**king Portugal again.)

BessiThor (冰岛球迷)：现在把我杀了吧！这样我就能含笑九泉了…(Kill me now. Cause' then I'll die happy.)

【C罗两射一传，葡萄牙、匈牙利携手功晋级】

Kull_atta(葡萄牙球迷)：看C罗进球比让男票x我都爽。(Watching Ronaldo scoring is far more better than f**king by my boyfriend.)

Joester09(匈牙利球迷)：大家好，关于我们匈牙利，你需要知道以下几点。第一，我们的门将老是穿秋裤比赛；第二，我们可是名副其实的凶牙利，对进球已经饥渴难耐！(Welcome everyone! Allow me to clear up some things. Yes, our goalkeeper is a 40 year old in sweatpants. Yes, we are very hungry for goals!

Pattastic(美国球迷)：梅西破了纪录，C罗马上也破了纪录，今天真是个好日子~(Messi broke a record, Ronaldo make a record, today was a good day.)

(图)据说这是C罗昨晚状态大爆发的原因所在

enato1092(门兴球迷)：葡萄牙成为了欧洲杯历史上第一支小组赛一场未胜却晋级淘汰赛的球队…(Portugal are the first team in the Euros history to go through thegroup stages without winning any game.)

Postriot (葡萄牙球迷)：要是我们接下来的淘汰赛一直都是点球大战取胜，会不会就成为第一支全是平局来夺冠的球队了？这才真的有意思呢！(How funny would it be if we went through the rest of the tournament winning purely on penalties. We would literally draw our way to the championship for the first time.)

(图)世界最佳&无价之宝

【最强对决！豪强扎堆下半区】

Phoenix963(利物浦球迷)：西班牙和意大利的比赛将成为经典之战，最强的传控与最强的防反之间的巅峰对决，能坚持看完这场昏昏欲睡的比赛的都是真汉子。(Spain vs Italy could be a classic. Best highpossession team vs the best low possession team. So boring a game thatthose ploughing through the whole match are the real fans.)

Stevenmadden(奥地利球迷)：德国意大利和西班牙将只有一支能进四强，而他们在上届欧洲杯都进了四强。(Unbelievable that only one team of Germany, Italy and Spain would be in the semi-finals while all of them made it in 2012.)

(图)至今未算明白板鸭为什么让拉莫斯罚点球

Eisenheim(圣保利球迷)：我觉得今年默克尔给克罗地亚的经济援助肯定将大大提升，因为格子军团帮他们避开了意大利！(Actually Ithink Merkel would give more financial aid to Croatia next year sincethey help German successfully avoided Italy.

亲爱的小伙伴们，本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。让我们拭目以待，期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧~

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