国外也有段子手：段子永不死，只是渐凋零

大家好，欢迎收看本期“国外也有段子手”！上周的比赛结束之后，五大联赛终于全部落幕……诶好像不对，曼联的比赛还没踢。不过，只要曼联与伯恩茅斯的补赛不出现“马夏尔梅开20度终救主”的戏码，各大联赛的悬念基本都已经全部揭晓了。好了，让我们来看看歪果仁对这个赛季有怎样的点评与回顾吧！

【热刺爆冷1-5输纽卡，阿森纳4-0维拉反超热刺获得英超亚军】

PureDarkness93(阿森纳球迷)：我绝对不知道，热刺一支争冠的球队，怎么就争到第三名去了？(Can you imagine coming third in a two-horse race?)

alejpaz(皇马球迷)：新闻本身就是段子。(The banter just writes itself)

GeneralSmedleyButsex(热刺球迷)：我自杀的念头都有了。(I'm going to kill myself)

Youtossershad1job2do(彼得堡联球迷)：你会在最后关头前功尽弃的。(You'll only fuck it up at the end)

kirikirikiri(阿森纳球迷)：恭喜温格获得圣托特纳姆杯21连冠！(Wenger 21/21 in the St. Totteringham Day Trophy department)

Ahnylenater(阿森纳球迷)：今天也许是我最爱的圣托特纳姆日！(That might be my favorite St. Totteringham's day yet)

rhuharb(未知主队球迷)：阿森纳的赛季目标就是超过热刺，奖杯什么的根本无所谓啦。(Arsenal ambition is ending the season ahead of Spurs. Trophies or not.)

7rosicky7(阿森纳球迷)：其实我挺希望热刺拿亚军的，那样的话我们就是冠军了！(Frankly I hope Spurs finished 2nd. That makes us the champion!)

AoE2manatarms(阿森纳球迷)：这赛季我们排第二，希望别再有争四的梗了……(Arsenal finishing second, hopefully this is the death of the memes...)

PurplePride9844(阿森纳球迷)：我们去年就是第三，之前也不总是第四啊。评论区就是这样，段子永不死，只是渐凋零。(We finished 3rd last year, and have done so before. This is Reddit, memes do not die, only circulate)

RunawaySlav(阿森纳球迷)：十六强，我们来了！(Round of 16 here we come)

ImaStillInsane(利物浦球迷)：这下温格又不卖吉鲁了。(And now Wenger will not replace Giroud.)

isonlegemyuheftobmed(俄罗斯球迷)：最强签约已在阵中！(Like a new signing)

【巴萨赢球夺西甲冠军，皇马仅以1分之差位居第二】

thekhaos(皇马球迷)：自从我们追上来之后，巴萨就再也没有失过球，干得不错。巴萨的这个赛季做得很好，同时也要为拼到最后的皇马和马竞感到骄傲。(Didn't drop a goal once the Liga was in threat. Good job. Great La Liga season and proud of Atleti and Real for pushing Barca to the end.)

felandath(巴萨球迷)：你们的强势反弹也值得一吹。联赛最后12轮全胜却没有夺冠，这在西甲也是头一遭。(Excellent recovery by you folk. I don't think any team has won the last 12 matches of a league campaign and not win the title.)

TomasRoncero(皇马球迷)：贝尼特斯搞砸了联赛，但齐达内成功地让我们重新回到了争冠队伍。下一站，米兰！(Benitez lost us the league, but Zidane did a hell of a job putting us back in the race. Onto Milan.)

Sidonian7(曼联球迷)：苏牙最后五场比赛进了14个球，我的天哪。(14 goals in 5 games from Suarez, my god.)

RayPissed(利物浦球迷)：在利物浦的时候他就是个怪物，现在他都要变成上帝了。(He was a freak at Liverpool but at Barcelona he's turned Godly.)

(图)被萨迷朋友秀优越了？给他看看这张图吧~

Varnagel(未知主队球迷)：连道格拉斯的西甲冠军数都超过C罗了。(Lord Douglas has now won more La Liga titles than likes of Cristiano Ronaldo)

Sault9(奥兰多球迷)：准确说是三场两冠。道格拉斯，史上最伟大的球员之一！(Two La Liga titles while playing a total of three games. You cannot argue with those numbers. One of the greatest of all time)

【曼联2-3客负铁锤帮，争四希望渺茫】

Takley(曼联球迷)：如果说这场比赛还有什么积极的地方，那就是范加尔执教的比赛只剩两场了。(The one and only positive I can take from this game: Only have to put up with this fraud of a manager for two more games.)

CatharticEcstasy(曼联球迷)：虽然这赛季踢得这么差，但是我们仍然有进军前四的希望……然后我们亲手把它毁掉了。(For all our terribleness this season we had a chance to still claim top 4. And we bottled it.)

Idislikemyroommate(曼联球迷)：我们还有机会的，只要斯旺西击败曼城……(we still have a chance. All we need to do is hope Swansea beat City...)

jaisalpatel(利物浦球迷)：你们也得赢了伯恩茅斯啊。(You do have to win your game too, you know...)

Idislikemyroommate(曼联球迷)：艹，当我没说。(Fuck, nevermind)

【曼联比赛因为炸弹风波推迟，曼城平局基本锁定前四】

TenaciousProd(曼联球迷)：马夏尔只需要进19个球就够了！(Martial you only need to score 19 goals..)

ajsadler(未知主队球迷)：马夏尔单场19球难救主。(Martial scores 19 goals. Man Utd lose 20-19)

JohtoKing(英格兰球迷)：我敢说防爆小组现在肯定觉得自己像傻子一样。(I bet whoever's job it was to clear the dummy devices feels like a right muppet now)

KX321(利兹联球迷)：我就想知道那个不小心丢下手机的人现在是什么心情……(Want to know how the person responsible felt when he sat down this afternoon to watch the game……)

(图)大概……是这样？

F___TheZero(荷兰球迷)：顺带说一句，纽卡主场已经爆炸了。(Uncontrolled implosion at St James' Park too)

renmego(阿森纳球迷)：哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈本赛季最佳段子。(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA banter of the season)

【伊布宣布赛季末离开巴黎：我像国王一样到来，也将像传奇一样离开】

crautzalat(弗莱堡球迷)：这个宣布离队的方式真是不能更兹拉坦了。(The most Zlatan way to announce his departure.)

explicitlatynx(巴伦西亚球迷)：多希望有人能像兹拉坦的自恋一样爱我。(I want somebody to love me the way Zlatan loves Zlatan.)

MushroomHeart(巴黎球迷)：按照传统，我们马上就要拿欧冠啦！(So as per tradition, we'll win the champion's league in the next few years! )

L3roadsord(米兰球迷)：把这话去和米兰说啊。(Tell that to Milan)

OZL01(巴萨球迷)：我是全宇宙最谦虚的人。——兹拉坦(I'm the most modest person in the universe. -Zlatan)

(最后这个高级黑，球迷朋友们get到了吗？)