国外也有段子手：你大爷永远是你大爷！

大风泱泱，大潮滂滂。豪门逐鹿赛场，尽显天地洪荒。绿茵场上，卓越辉煌，前有巨星，星光灿烂；后有来者，群英堂堂；几多荣辱沉浮，几度盛衰兴亡；新赛季开张，战火重燃赛场，今日你我共醉，尽览西夷谑语，共享足球荣光。

【精彩至极！利物浦4-3战胜阿森纳】

IBWICH98(利物浦球迷)：这场比赛真是典型的利记进攻！呃...和防守…(Typical Liverpool attacking and defensive performance.)

DrRobot(南安普顿球迷)：5个进球是我们前圣徒球员打进的，你能理解我的心痛吗...(Former Southampton players had 5 goals in this game, can you realize my pain?)

purrodo119(利物浦球迷)：吓得我赶紧看看南安普顿今年买的球员，明年可能就要来我军了呢！(oh god I was just looking for the players South Ampton bought this year since they’ll come for us next season.)

Smauler(未知主队球迷)：库蒂-不进世界波不舒服斯基-尼奥。(Couti-didn’t-score-easy-goals-nho)

Heffernan7(西汉姆联球迷)：恭喜利物浦！第一场比赛就预订了这个赛季的最佳进球！(Congratulations on getting Liverpool's goal of the season the first match into it.)

HUgegyt(热刺球迷)：小老虎和张伯伦都进球啦！看来你厂真的不用买前锋喽！(Walcott and Chamberlain scored, now you're definitely not gonna buy one.)

Yuhdbed(曼联球迷)：其实，这场比赛可以说是阿森纳近几个赛季的真实写照——一个美好的开局给了人们无限希望，随后便伤病来袭，失望不断，球队陷入深渊。在绝望之际，却又忽然迎来转机，球迷们又重新满怀希望，但前期挖的坑太大，最后只能饮恨重来。(Well that match just sort of epitomized Arsenal these years. A bright start filling you with hope and optimism. Followed by disappointment, injuries, and sadness culminating in darkness and depression. Then out of the blackness, they mount a valiant effort at a comeback and every one will have hope again but they still can’t compensate for error made before.)

ClausTheDrunkard(南安普顿球迷)：本场比赛前：哈哈哈，我们卖马内给利物浦竟然赚了3400万镑！，我们又讹了利物浦一把！赛后：我们竟然只收了3400万镑，那红军又把我们圣徒老乡给抢了！(Before - "hahaha 34m for Mané we'verobbed them again”. After - "disgraceful we only got 34m for Mané whydid we let him go that cheap?”)

【各大联赛首秀皆进球，伊布助红魔客胜樱桃】
JB4King(巴黎圣日耳曼球迷)：联赛已经不是那个联赛了，但伊布永远是你大爷！(Different league, same Ibra.)

Samut112(斯托克城球迷)：伊布直到现在也没明白为什么赛后会给发他一个香水盒。(Ibra is still wondering why they gave him a perfume box after the game.)

Davedive(曼城球迷)：我觉得伊布已经迫不及待地盼望欧联杯的首秀了！(I bet he can't wait for his Europa League debut.)

Jayenitedy(阿斯顿维拉球迷)：足球就是前锋在前场玩得爽，但能不能赢还是得在门线上拼爹。(Whatever these strikers achieved but it’s still De Gea decided the final results.)

Jong123(锡耶纳球迷)： 看着马夏尔躺着也能拿助攻，真不知道厄齐尔会怎么想…(Wanna know how Ozil feel to see Martial’s easy assistances.)

Koab78(曼联球迷)：这场比赛过后，人们已经忘了我魔还有个今年的标王没上场呢…（Nobody noticed that the most expensive player this summer had’t made his debut after this game…）

【瓜瓜VS莫天才，曼城2-1战胜桑德兰】
Bugaoo908(曼联球迷)：莫天才，是时候展现你的实力了，用优异的表现打那些曼联球迷的脸！不过现在能先把费莱尼买走吗？我看你可能挺需要他的。(I always hope you make mutd fans awkward by great achievements  coaching in other teams, but Moyes can you buy  Fellaini now? I think you may need him.)

Pingas(曼联球迷)：真是场奇怪的比赛，人们好像更多地在谈论瓜瓜的发型。(I also feel like we're talking more about Pep’s hair than the match…weird.)

Pogo34(圣保利球迷)：曼城弃子反噬旧主，曼联旧将乌龙给曼城送分，求解这场比赛中出了多少叛徒…(Former players from man city and man united scored for the opposite respectively…it’s beyond me.)

Oaktree34(多特蒙德球迷)：其实瓜瓜也挺不容易的，输了就是千夫所指，赢了又会被人说是拴狗冠...(Pep’s in a hard situation that any lose could make him be deadly blamed while any win would be taken for granted for the brilliant XI)

【巴萨2-0客胜塞维利亚，抢得西超杯先机】
Womble_Don(温布尔登球迷)：我看蛋酥骨骼惊奇，日后必成大器！(Denis Suárez is going to be truly amazing in a couple years.)

Milanofireworks(AC米兰球迷)：都说喜欢巴萨的有很多是冠军粉，可我真的希望有朝一日，喜欢我米的也重新都是冠军粉...(They said many barca fans just like the trophies, but how I wish Milan fans are all those just like trophies again…)

(图)曾经的米兰替补席

【拜仁2-0胜多特，捧得德国超级杯】
Shortdood(多特蒙德球迷)：狐媚当头，欲说还休。(What could I say to see Hummels again.)

Gnermo(拜仁球迷)：当年欧冠决赛，罗本和里贝里两翼齐飞帮助拜仁击败多特，我至今还记得。(I still miss the days when we won UECL and Robbery is my valuable memories.)

Gosagur(多特蒙德球迷)：都说我们还年轻，是赢在未来，可我真的想赢一次现在…(They always say our players are still young and we have the future, but how I wish to win right NOW!)

(图)曾经形影不离的费内巴切老夫妻球迷，如今只剩妻子孑然一身，但以足球为伴，她永不孤独！

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